It's August, I'm Terrified

I feel bad for sort of cheating on you, Blogger. I really don't think that Tumblr is that great or that much different. Anyway, let's get to the point.

The first day of my SENIOR YEAR is like, three weeks away. I don't know if I can handle that. There are so many things that I cannot do on my own like, fill out deposit slips or do anything in relation to car maintenance. Plus, I don't have my senior pictures done yet or even talked about them with my mom.  All I'm good at is waking up (which some members of my family think I am not so good at), going to school, getting my work done, passing my classes and being pretty good at band related things. I'm also not horrible at my job, I just don't really like it. Just about every person in my life has told me that I am not mature or responsible enough to go to college and not fail out and become a hobo. They don't believe in me, which I think is the hardest part for me to grasp.Your parents and siblings are supposed to tell you that you can. All I get recently is that I can't. That I am stupid and worthless and too much of a people pleaser. All I want is to get away but I don't think I am ready for a life without my mom. And my two best friends that I tell everything to. I know that I am going to make new friends in college and they will probably be the people I invite to my wedding and not the people I meet here in BFE but still.

I don't even know why I'm writing this. College is more than a year away. Right now I have to focus on having a crazy awesome senior year without drama. A senior year that involves me and all my friends being happy and ready to tackle the next chapter of our lives. One where I pass physics and chemistry and advanced math without worrying too much.

I feel like the only thing I write about when I get on to blog is the above issue of letting what people think about what I want my career to be and what I want my family to be get into my head too much and let it control all the decisions I make. Alex is right on this one. I have to stop letting them run my life and start living for me. Not for anyone else. For me. And this all starts next week when people are actually under my control. When I can stand up for myself and say, "screw you for trying to 'keep me from getting my hopes up too high'. I will do what I want and nothing you say is going to change that." I think an attitude adjustment is a good thing to start senior year off with. That and no more boys. Boys don't help you pass physics. Unless they are Alex. But we can get into that whole schpeal like, later.